Autumn into Funny

It is time for a more lighthearted post. I've been accumulating funny bits of conversations I've had for a while, and it seems like it might be fun to share them with a wider audience. As a warning though, the ones in this post are a bit ... eclectic. I've done the service of indicating the sources required to grok the joke, so if you're not familiar with them, move on; and if you don't think any of them are funny, I'm sorry. I tried.

The setting: Bryan was doing Calculus homework while I was trying to fix my file server (we were on the phone as my internet was also down). Despite the fact that neither one of us was having fun (he was integrating by parts), we made the best of it...

(1) Probably the funniest, and most esoteric, of the funnies--this one references Calculus, Full Metal Alchemist, and Space Ghost Coast to Coast

(Bryan was talking about integrating something with something else)
Me: I'm going to integrate you with your mom.
Bryan: I don't know why you'd ever do that.
Me: Maybe you're an alchemist who doesn't know the rules about transmuting humans...
Bryan: Yeah, maybe
Me: You can't integrate that! That function has feet!

(2) References: Internet, Captain Planet

Me: DSL modem... router... DHCP... named... by your powers combined, I am captain Internet
Bryan: Sorry, that one failed
Me: Yeah.
Bryan: Yeah, that one utterly fell flat
Me: It just doesn't have the same ring to it as 5 monosyllabic words
Bryan: It's like... earth, water, air, fire, ass--
Me: By your powers combined, I am a tasty summertime confection!

(3) References: Roaring Penguin PPPoE, networking, vomit

Me: It says link is down...
Bryan: Oh, that's means layer 1 or layer 2 isn't working
Me: ... I don't even know what that means. Like I vaguely remember that object... something ... model, three letter acronym thing...
Bryan: It's like the Windows' equivalent of saying a network cable has come unplugged
Me: But I have a link light
Bryan: Oh. Wait, so was it Roaring Penguin puking at you then?
Me: Yes, it was Roaring Penguin puking at me. Which isn't something you generally want roaring penguins to do.

(4) From a different day and conversation, not on the phone--references Bleach, and text-based adventure games (the type that involve commands like Go North and have grues in them).

Bryan: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=7080021

Bleach Shattered Sword

Me: hunh.
Me:that's interesting. I wonder if it doesn't suck at all...

You moved north. You see a hungry grue.

What do you want to do?
> bankai